“Everything was perfectly healthy and normal here in Denial Land.”
-Jim Butcher
As you can probably tell, I've put off writing this journal for a little while. A lot has happened since I last wrote. College decisions are now exploding above the class of 2017's heads like artillery shells, kids are being stabbed to death with spoons in the hallways, the sun is shining, and everything is just normal. My third space work continues as solidly as before, but I know I'm writing bad code, and I don't know how I'm going to make it good code. The classes I currently use just aren't quite the right fit(Classes are templates for making objects, and objects are a way to organize your code), but they are the best I've got right now. My work continues, and I'll try to resolve this quandary, but it is tough.
Major difficulties have arisen with my work on the drones, as somehow, four ESC's(Electronic Speed Controllers) decided that they needed a permanent vacation and died. It may have occurred if I accidentally plugged the ESC signal wires into the wrong rail on the pixhawk, but this most likely would have triggered their over-current protection, and they then wouldn't be dead. However, they are dead. This is an issue, as ESC's cost around $20 dollars apiece, so that means $80. That is not a price I want to pay. I completely disassembled the X8 and began cannibalizing it to work on an old quadcopter frame I had lying around, so I worked on that and now that quadcopter is mostly assembled. Another issue I'm running into now is that I'm trying to disable a safety switch pre-arm check by writing something to the pixhawk, but the parameter to disable the pre-arm check does not seem to exist on my board. The most frustrating thing is, I know I've had this problem before, but I forget how I solved it. A few other potential issues include possibly having the wrong propeller size. We'll see how the rest of trying to get the quad to work turns out. I am, as always, optimistic.
I think the most serious threat to my work is the the time dilation effect known most commonly as senioritis. I feel like I have the resolve, but time speeds up, slipping through my fingers like grains of sand. This doesn't sound any different from any normal occurrence, however, senioritis is particularly dangerous in that time isn't merely just slipping through, it's also being squandered on the side. To make matters worse, I also feel quite burnt out, so that is producing serious issues. To take the metaphors even further, my current feelings could probably best be approximated by this: Imagine you're diligently doing work, painstakingly poring over all the nitty gritty details, and then suddenly, you're at the beach! Someone has thrown you into a beach chair and handed you a nice cool glass of lemonade. But you aren't happy! How could you be? You were working on something important. But now you feel vaguely indebted, grateful, and quite annoyed at this mystery person. So you sit there, fuming, quite enjoying the lemonade, trying to be polite. Then you get up to leave, and you take a look around you. It's beach for miles. But wait! There's a singular outlet leading away from the shore. You awkwardly run/walk through the sand, and you're almost to the road. You're so close and......Oh no! It's an ice cream truck! As we(royal we) like to call it: Game over. You feel utterly ashamed as you trudge up to the truck, looking away as you mutter that you would very much like a tweetie bird ice cream please and thank you under your breath. The universal legacy of a second semester senior year is one of extravagance: spending time on trifles.
These are my feelings, under attack from what I like to call the "normalcy incursion". I'm trying to crank away at all these different aspirations, but I'm at my mind beach, and those two just don't really mesh. I'm living a normal, placid life, albeit unwillingly. This sort of thing hasn't affected my third space, and I don't think it ever will, but outside of my commitments, the normalcy incursion is slowly advancing, conquering most of my daily activities. Most days, I think "tomorrow will be the day that I get things done", but then it never happens.
There is another thing though: my shortcomings rest on me, and me alone. This is often difficult to face up to, as it is much easier to find fault in the stars above than to admit that the most probable occurrence was that I screwed up somewhere along the line. I probably did screw up somewhere. But as far as I know, diagnosing electronics only tells you what's dead and what's not dead, not where in the procedure you messed up. Software is more forgiving. In the end, all this really boils down to is: When it's a Friday, and I don't feel like doing work, do I have the follow-through to accomplish my goals even when facing significant resistance? I don't know. Every minute is a battle.
There is an upside though. If I can figure out a way to start embracing the work again, I'll have a very sizeable portion of time to accomplish a lot, first during spring break, and then during the summer.
I think it may potentially be a good idea for me to start timing how long it actually takes me to get most things done, vs how long I think it will take, so that I can then compare the two, create a ratio, and then use that ratio for most all the tasks I want to accomplish. That way, I will be more accurate in my allotment of time.
I have a few things coming up at my third space:
1. I'm soon going to be testing my code for capturing a livestream and measuring the displacement of objects within it. If accomplished, it would be the completion of a primary goal for my WISE experience.
2. Most of the graduate students are leaving for spring break, and consequently, I am now guaranteed time to code furiously.
3. I'm still looking to ask a ton of questions to the graduate students about designing the drone flight controller feedback loop, so I can get my answers easily while the getting is good.
4. I cannot wait to learn more about MEMS, most likely from Hani.
5. I'll be gone for all of Spring Break and more, so I'll have to talk to them about that.
I'm less ready than ever for this year to end. Time is escaping me.